My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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