I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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