What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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