Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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