I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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