I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
