it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
