I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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