I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize