Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
