Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
