I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
