i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
