Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Holy shit dude........stairs
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