he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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