So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
this boner is exhausting
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
