That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
