I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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