I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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