the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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