yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize