I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
