that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
