I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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