I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
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