i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
and you fell through a lawn chair
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
