you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
try to milk me bitch
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