Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
