Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
