I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
