I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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