Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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