it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
