Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you win again, gameday.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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