i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
