Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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