the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
