She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
