Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
