Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All the doctor said was why
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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