Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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