omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize