people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
