I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
