Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
