You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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