winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize