like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
