somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
