Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize