I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
