Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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