how can u be prego again
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
