I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
