singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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