remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
