dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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