mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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