My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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