I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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