mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
