so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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