it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
