Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
