she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
