maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
