we have officially lost it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
