So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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