The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
