since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
