this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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