the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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