wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
