so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize