I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
