I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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