Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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