Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
