True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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