its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
