Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
