Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
