i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
