He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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