The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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