Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
