My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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