i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
