Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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