God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
