so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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