the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
