Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
